Hey there, i know i've been disappeared so long. The very last time i updated my blog is about the day i spent with my whole family. I bet you all have heard about songs or maybe quotes that say "we'll never know what the future brings". Yes, it's true no one will ever know what the future might hold. Including me (oh sure it is. who am i?), never thought that would be the very last time i spend my time with my beloved family. I never thought that my dad would gone so fast.
Yes, my dad passed away on September 16th 2012 (the day after my mom's birthday sept 15th).
I can't think about anything, 'till now i can't accept the fact that i lost my dad before i could make him proudly smile to see i graduate from university. I can't accept the fact that i lost the only mentor, hero, figure, even my very bestfriend so fast. I couldn't say thank you or even sorry to him, for being a bad daughter, for never truly be grateful for what he had given to me, for forced himself to work to satisfied our selfish needs, for disappointed him many times, even for made him cried in the middle of so many nights because he felt sorry for not being thr best dad who couldn't give what his children wanted or even put a smile on their children's faces.
But you were not dad, and you didn't have to feel that way. Did you ever know that you were the best and the greatest man i've ever known in my life ? I said this not because i'm your daughter, but because i know you were ! Never in my life i have seen or known or heard someone who lived his life like you did. Forced and focused his life on nothing but work work and work without even cared about anything else in life but his family ? Not even your healthy. I couldn't believe myself for what i had done to you after everyting that you had done to me, to us. How could i be such a bad kid ? :'(
i should have thanked and made you proud of me. I know, regret doesn't bring you back to life. But i'm trying dad, to be such a briliant woman you always wanted me to be, the best woman you always tried to make me to be, the best daughter you'd proudly say "that's my daughter" ! i'll never quit to try to be a woman version of you, dad. The one who gave everything to people he loved with nothing to hope, the one who had been such a great inspiration for people. And the smartest man i've ever known in my life =')
I love you daddy i'll always do :') i'm sorry for everything i had done to you. And thank you SO MUCH for everything. You're the best man in my life, no one would ever take that place of yours :)